People say: don’t get angry, calm down; they tell us: control it, be polite, don’t make faces, don’t wave your hands, sit up straight and don’t stick out, you shouldn’t do such things because it might upset someone…

Nonsense. I want to be angry. I want to let it out, not swallow it and let it burn me from the inside.

Anger is a difficult emotion because society has built a taboo around it—so much so that it is often called a “bad” emotion. Why? Anger is not easy to receive; it creates discomfort because someone resists, and things don’t go as we imagined. Anger either forces us to go without what we wanted or pushes us to engage more deeply. It is an emotion that compels us to recognize the other person—with their needs, fears, and entire uniqueness. Anger transforms a passive listener of our demands and needs into a real, fully present human being.

Everything within us serves a purpose, so what purpose does anger serve? What function can it fulfill?

If we look at the energy of anger and how it is experienced in the body, we could describe it as a growing tension that pushes outward, like something born inside that wants to escape. Muscles tighten, breathing quickens, fists clench, the skin reddens, veins sometimes become visible, our voice rises, and a very specific expression appears on the face—one that even a small child could replicate if asked to draw someone who is angry.
When I asked people what happens in their bodies when they feel anger, I often heard responses like: “I feel like I’m about to explode,” “like a pressure cooker about to burst,” “I’m boiling inside and everything starts to bubble up.” This is normal because anger exists to help us release something from within. Anger is for asserting and defending boundaries; it gives us the energy to push away what is harmful or wrong for us.

If we keep anger inside, it is like holding a hand grenade, pulling out the pin, and instead of throwing it at the enemy advancing on the barricade, placing it on a chair and covering it with our own body. What happens then? An explosion that, instead of protecting us, strikes us ourselves.

Anger exists to push out what we do not want, beyond our safe boundaries, in order to protect ourselves from what does not serve us. Anger is an emotion whose energy creates the space for something beautiful, new, and truly ours to emerge. Sometimes it is expressed through words, sometimes through resistance or disagreement, and sometimes through a physical act of defense. What we must never forget is that anger is meant for defense, not for attack.

How to Experience Anger

Do not fear anger, and do not lock it inside yourself. Here are 6 steps to help you go through the process of expressing anger:

• Become aware of what is happening within you. Feel what is present in your body: tension, perhaps pain, clenched fists, or a tightened jaw. Confront the sensations that arise from your body.
• Reflect on what the sensations in your body are trying to tell you. What message do they carry for you? You might ask yourself: “What would my clenched fists say if they could speak?” Connect the feeling with a specific need.
• Once you know what you need, think about how to make it happen. Mentally analyze different options. Your goal is to reach a state of readiness to take action.
• Act – action is movement aimed at achieving your goal, fulfilling a need, and restoring balance. Anger serves to express the “I,” a way of influencing your environment that helps reestablish the desired state of your boundaries.
• It is a form of engagement that allows you to establish new boundaries, name them, and maintain them, thereby creating a new reality.
• Calming down and withdrawing, which allow you to rest and find a safe space within yourself. Accept this experience and reflect on its impact: what you appreciated and what you will do differently next time.

Anger is our friend—it motivates us to take action, helps clear space, and allows something new and better to emerge. Anger can feel like a wild, untamed animal; when set free, it seems unpredictable. Many people believe that if they let their anger speak, they will destroy or even kill. This happens when we suppress it and do not allow it to be expressed. That belief is an excuse, learned to gain acceptance from the world around us.

Michał Śmiałowski