Interaction Is Currency

All of these studies show that gossip is an indispensable part of our social functioning, and attempts to eliminate gossip from our professional lives are similar to forbidding scratching. What does a manager gain from this? They are not interested in the evolutionary significance of gossip – they are concerned with whether it helps them accomplish tasks and what they can do to achieve the right objectives as effectively as possible.

To understand the meaning and functions of gossip and how to use it, I will begin by explaining what it is: a recognition signal (from the English. stroke).

A recognition signal (from the English ‘stroke,’ sometimes translated as a ‘pat’) is anything I say or do toward another person that signals to them that I notice and acknowledge them as a person. Recognition can take a positive or negative form.. (I show that I see you or I show that I do not see you.)). Recognition signals are the way we satisfy our need for connection with other people.

To survive, we need to be connected with others – as infants with our parents, and later with other people. A human being deprived of emotional contact with others cannot develop properly. “In every type of human interaction, there is an exchange of various gestures, words, glances, remarks, gifts, and touches. On a daily basis, we often do not realize how important these are for our lives, even though we invest so much energy in receiving them – we need confirmation that we are noticed and recognized by others. Studies of monkeys have shown that an individual’s position in the group is determined by how long it is groomed by others. Grooming serves as a form of diplomacy, showing belonging and loyalty, and is a measure of obedience and willingness to cooperate. In human groups, this role is taken over by the exchange of strokes – gestures of recognition that affect our psyche.

Because the need for recognition signals (receiving strokes) is so fundamental, people who do not receive positive recognition will be satisfied with any – even negative – just to avoid the psychological hunger for recognition. (A thirsty person, when there is no clean water, will drink dirty water that harms them, but they will drink it because they do not want to die).

The need to receive strokes is present in us throughout our lives, regardless of our age, occupation, or position.

Each of us has our own way of giving and receiving identifying signals. Sometimes we ask for these signals, sometimes we do not allow ourselves to receive them (‘Do you like this dress I’m wearing?! It’s old, I found it at the bottom of my wardrobe…’). You can learn more about the ‘economy of strokes’ by reading the works of Claude Steiner.

Gossip is a way of giving each other identifying signals – when we are busy with work but feel discomfort due to a lack of stimulation, structure, or recognition, we engage in various relationships to satisfy these needs. Gossiping is one of the strongest ways to receive the support we require.

Managers often find it difficult to accept that people come to work not only to perform tasks, but primarily to satisfy their psychological needs: the need for structure, recognition, and stimulation. An example are parents who, after several years of caring for a child, want to go back to work to be among people. I am not referring to those who must work to make a living, but to those who do not necessarily have to work yet seek social interaction, otherwise they would go stir-crazy at home.

We look for ways to structure our time in a way that provides the greatest satisfaction – work is one of the opportunities through which we can satisfy psychological needs, as it offers a wide range of possibilities. At work, we enjoy extending meetings, going out for a smoke, having casual conversations about recent events, or sharing the latest news with someone. However, when we eliminate these behaviors from the workplace, efficiency does not increase at all! If people do not receive the reinforcement they need, they start organizing their time in ways to obtain it – through unproductive behaviors, psychological games, or unconscious sabotage, such as excessive unproductive activity, lateness, reduced work quality, forgetfulness, and so on. This is illustrated by the behavior of bees – one of the symbols of diligence. Beekeepers, knowing that drone bees do not produce honey but only consume it and perform no productive or organizational functions within the hive, decided to remove them. However, when all drones are removed from the hive, the bees stop producing honey altogether. The same applies to gossip – it is a form of behavior that may be discouraged or even suppressed in an organization, but without it, it is impossible to keep people ready for effective work.

One of the most important positive functions of gossip from a manager’s perspective is that during gossip, we not only align points of view and provide psychological reinforcement, but also select partners for more intensive tasks. (During work activities, there is a more intensive exchange of identifying signals), employees maintain and deepen relationships among themselves, strengthening group cohesion. This leads to better teamwork, as the team can organize itself to carry out (or refuse to carry out) its tasks. The paradox is that the same managers who fight gossip also expect greater team cohesion and do not see any contradiction in this.

Fortunately, there are voices that are not afraid to support the building of personal relationships among people in organizations and provide strong arguments for it (e.g., Keith Ferrazzi in Never Eat Alone). From a psychological perspective, it is impossible to separate social interaction from gossip. Therefore, the only radical way to eliminate gossip is to isolate people from each other and force them to withdraw from all contact.

So what is the practical advice for managers? Don’t waste energy fighting gossip. Instead, join in – to listen and understand what matters to people. I know managers who started smoking just to find out what was happening in the company at the employee level.

As a manager, you are important to people. So it’s no surprise that they take an interest in you and may gossip about you. If they discuss your mistakes and failures, it means you are a point of reference for them.

Author:

Jacek Sypniewski since2002, he has been conducting business training. He has extensive knowledge in sociology, psychology, and business. He specializes in training in management, communication and collaboration, influence, presentations, team building, integration, and personal effectiveness. He has studied in Krakow, Amsterdam, and London.

Editorial:

Filip Madej